Nostalgia and regret keep me awake
Golden street lights shine through a small thicket in the black sky
Water from the tap tastes like bile
If I could perform a massive rewind and fix one mistake
Would I do it?
Would I risk going where the butterfly effect would take me?
What would I lose?
Would it be too much for one decision?
How expensive can a happy memory be?
Guilty memories, regrets, chagrin, are fresh forever
A quick thought can summon pain like new
Happy memories age and fade.
No matter how much effort I put into it I can't relive victory -- only defeat.
Defeat haunts me
It clouds my judgment and renders simple choices impossible
One overshadows them all
If I had the chance, would I undo it
And replace this permanent guilt with fleeting pleasure?
And would Mt. Hood be replaced by Everest?
Would I find myself sitting her again, drinking water and looking at the night thinking about undoing what I had undone?
I don't know
But I wish I hadn't been who I was.